Is there a Richter scale for hands?

As I've mentioned before,  I am afflicted with an absolutely horrible case of performance anxiety. 

I'm not sure I've really captured in my posts just how severe it is.  I've spent SO many years avoiding this feeling entirely (basically since I became old enough to just opt out of things that freak me out) that I had almost forgotten how bad it can get. 

Just for some perspective, in high school,  I actually willingly took a D (and I was a good student, so this was painful) in a required speech class because I would write my speeches and then come to class and just lie and say I left them at home. I just couldn't bring myself to stand up in front of the class. 

Another time, I had to present an award on behalf of the student newspaper and I was physically ill both before AND after.

I could go on and on.

So yeah, lifelong battle.  

I KNEW piano lessons would bring it out even though it's truly the most non-threatening, no-pressure situation ever and with a sympathetic teacher I genuinely like and enjoy being around. (shoutout to Cecelia Prinkey and her infinite patience!)

This is why I waited so long to try though. I was avoiding this feeling.... especially since with it comes completely involuntarily and uncontrollable hand tremors, which are not at all conducive to piano playing. 

I want to play badly enough and I love playing enough though that I'm determined to push through it. And every failed attempt makes me even more determined.  This week, I made it through two full measures before the shaking kicked in, so I'm calling that a win. But once it started and wouldn't stop, I just got so annoyed. It drives me crazy.  So now I'm researching ways to get it under control. If there's anything I'm an actual pro at, it's researching things obsessively and exhaustively. 

In the meantime, here's some video to show where I am with February's second piece. I'm pretty happy with this! The last two lines were giving me a TON of trouble, but they are finally getting committed to muscle memory. Still never fails to amaze me when that happens. I love this process! Onward to page 2!

Sidenote: Video features a guest appearance by non other than Davey the Cat,  known around these parts as, "Best Cat Ever". He finds that my piano playing interferes with him getting fed second dinner in a timely fashion. 😜