A year, a piano, and an idea I haven't yet entire figured out....

My brain is ALL over the place. It struggled to focus before I had kids and then one by one, my three boys came along and pulled it in even more directions. Now, not only am I trying to keep *myself* together, I'm also thinking for three junior humans and a husband.

I have lots of hobbies. (Professional Dabbler, Master of Nothing is what I often call myself.) Only one of these hobbies actually completely silences the constant chaos in my head -- playing the piano.

Now, occasionally I CAN hyper-focus for long periods of time on a project I'm really interested in.... but piano.... piano is foolproof and it always has been, as long as I can remember. When I want to feel truly focused and calm for a stretch of time,  I'll just sit down and play. It doesn't matter if I'm playing through old pieces that I've known by heart for nearly my whole life, or if I'm slogging through a brand new one that challenges and frustrates me. For me, fingers on keys = focus.

I wish I could explain it and I'm positive there is some fancy neuroscience behind why this works for me.  I suspect it's something to do with playing the piano requiring multiple parts of the brain to work together simultaneously and so it occupies the parts that normal wander off and get distracted by, for instance, a recipe for Russian teacakes. (which actually happened while I was typing this)

Sidebar/Tangent/Fun Fact (an ADHD specialty): If you don't know what it's like to never have a quiet brain and then suddenly have it be laser-focused and calm, the best way I can think to describe it would be like this. You know that moment the power goes out in your house and you are acutely aware of all the ambient noise the various electrical things in your house had been making until that very second?  The hum of the refrigerator, the buzz of the lights, the quiet whoosh from the air vents.... all this NOISE was all around you and then....suddenly.... true silence.  It's such beautiful relief! (until you realize everything in your freezer is going to have to be thrown away.)

So a couple weeks ago, I started thinking about a way to really capitalize on and channel this focus I only feel when I play --  something with a measurable goal and progress I could document.  Sort of part personal challenge, part philosophical project, and part neurological experiment rolled into one. Here's what I came up with:

Currently, I'm thinking I'll tackle a new piece from start to finish, twelve in all, though not sure of the criteria I'll use for choosing them yet.

The frontrunners are:

- 12 different types of pieces

- 12 pieces I've started but never finished (story of my life)

- one entire piano book of music, not allowing myself to skip any (again, story of my life.... I was always skipping the pieces in my books that I thought looked boring or seemed too difficult when I was a kid)

- 12 pieces chosen by my piano teacher friend, again not allowing myself to skip or substitute any

- 12 pieces that cover some piano skill I haven't learned yet/haven't felt like tackling/missed in my self-taught/scattered learning over the years

- 12 pieces by a single composer

- 12 pieces I simply love listening to

-12 of Bach's Two-Part Inventions

-12 Pieces of Disney music

The goals are numerous:
- for fun, duh!
- to challenge myself
- progress with piano and in the process, fill in holes I have in my skills
-learn to play more music I love
-to step out of my comfort zone
-to write something meaningful about the experience because, ultimately,  I'm a writer, not a pianist
-persevere with something for an entire year
-to be able to ask for help when I need it to get through frustrating parts (it's really hard for me to ask for help)
-to be able to play in front of my kids' piano teacher when I ask for said help (this is a lofty one... but I'm throwing it in there because since I'm making this a bit of a self-improvement project, we may as well face some anxiety too)

I don't ultimately know what the take-aways from the project will be. I'd like to think it will be a story of personal growth with a touch of drama and bravery for good measure.

But, I sort of suspect, like any good, open-ended project, a story I don't yet know about myself or life in general will slowly begin to emerge as I delve into the 12 pieces.  Or maybe I will fail spectacularly? Even that has its own lessons. :)

Who knows?

Stay tuned.... (haha, you see what I did there?)